I can remember as a teenager waiting all summer to return to school in the fall to see whether someone I had a crush on liked me. As we get older, we realize the value of time and become clear about our intentions, and we want to know right away, “Do you like me or not?” Is this something into which we put our whole selves or not? Many people are living life with the brakes on; they are living life in reserve. I have heard many people I have counseled through the years say, “Well, I like him [or her], but I am not going to tell or show him [or her] until I see what he [or she] does first.”
When we are holding back to see what someone else is going to bring forward, we will never be able to create an authentic relationship. As long as we hold back, we will always attract people into our lives who hold back. My clients would say to me, “Well, Temple, I do not want to get hurt.” So I would tell them, “That’s right, you would rather hurt yourself by not being you.”
When you are not you, you hurt yourself and you die a little. If you hold back and do not give of yourself because you’re trying to save your heart, then that’s the type of man or woman you will always attract—people who do not put their whole selves in and who do not come from the heart. They will never see you and love you from an open heart because you are choosing people who are holding back the same way you are. We are here to be ourselves and put our whole selves in. If you are truly you, then you will let people be and stay in your life; you won’t allow them to “let” you not be yourself.